I'm afraid I'll be havin' privy trouble if I make them holes too durn comfortable and them boys will be a goin’ out there and staying anywheres from forty minutes to an hour. If they do, I'll get out my scroll saw and cut 'em square with hard edges.
"Hey Buster, where do you want that privy put?" I yells. Buster comes out and we get to talkin’ about a good location. He was all for puttin’ her right alongside a jagged path runnin' by a big pine tree.
"I wouldn't do it Buster," I sez; and I'll tell you why--in the first place her bein’ near a tree is bad. There ain't no sound in nature so disconcertin’ as the sound of pine cones droppin’ on the roof. Then, another thing, there's a crooked path runnin’ by that tree and the soil there ain't adapted to absorbin’ moisture. Durin' the rainy season she's likely to be slippery. Take Tony--goin’ out some rainy night with his hightie flappin’ around his legs, and like as not, when you come out in the mornin’ you'll find him prone in the mud, or maybe skidded off one of them curves. "No Sir," I sez, "Put her in a straight line with the camp and past a woodpile," and I'll tell you why.
"Take when the women come to camp--out she'll go. On the way back she'll gather five sticks of wood, and the average woman will make four or five trips a day. There's twenty sticks in the woodbox without any trouble. On the other hand, take a timid woman, if she sees any men folks around she's too bashful to go direct out, so she'll go to the woodpile, pick up the wood and go back to the camp. The average timid woman might make ten trips before she goes in, regardless--just think of the wood she'd have piled up by our stove."
New, about the diggin’ of her. You can’t be too careful about that, I sez; "Dig her deep and dig her wide. It's a might sight better to have a little privy over a big hole than a big privy over a little hole. Another thing; when you dig her deep, you've got her dug, and you ain't got that disconcertin’ thought stealin’ over you that sooner or later you'll have to dig again.
"Now the construction--do you want joists or beams?" I sez joists make a good job. Beams cost a bit more, but they're worth it. 'Course, I could give you joists, but take Tony, he ain't gettin’ a mite lighter. Some day he might he out there and them joists 'ould give 'way and there he'd be--catched."
"Now, about her roof--we can have a lean-to type or a pitch, roof. I'd like a lean-to and I'll tell you why--
"A lean-to has two less corners fer the wasps to build their nests in and on a hot August afternoon there ain't nothin’ so disconcertin’ as a lot of wasps buzzin’ around while you're settin’, doin’ a little readin’, figgerin or thinkin'. Another thing, a lean-to...
[is there a page missing here?]
...you a high door. Buster will crack his head everytime tryin' to get under a pitch roof door.
"As to the latch fer her I can give you a spool and string or a hook and eye. The cost of a spool and string is practically nothin' but it ain't positive in action. Somebody comes out and starts rattlin’ the door--either the spool or the string is apt to give way--and there you are--But, with a hook and eye of the best quality she's yours. Put on the hook and eye of the best quality 'cause there ain't nothin' that'll rack a man's nerves more to be settin' there ponderin' without a good substantial latch on the door.
Now, about windows, some want them, some don't. I'd say "No windows"; and I'll tell you why. Take, fer instance, somebody comin' out--maybe they're just in a hurry or maybe they waited too long. If the door don't open right away and you won't answer 'em, nine times out of ten, they'll go 'round and look in the window, and you don't git the privacy you ought to.
Now, how do you want that door to swing?--Openin’ in or out? I sez it should open in. This is the way it works out. Place yourself in there. The door openin' in--say about forty-five degree. This gives you air and lets the sun beat in. Now, if you hear anybody comin’ you can give it a quick shove with your foot and there you are. But, if she swings out, where are you? You can't run the risk of having her open for air or sun because if anyone comes, you can't get up off that seat, reach way 'round and grab ter without gittin' caught, now can you? So build the door to swing in and face the East to get the ill benefit of the sun.
Now about paintin' her. You need contrast--just like they use on them railroad crossin' bars, so you can see it in the dark. I'd paint her a bright yellow with white trimmin'.
There's a lot of fine points to puttin' up a first class privy, that the average man don't think about. It's no job for an amachoor, There has been some real tragedies around here because of amachoors building privies.
"Hey Buster, where do you want that privy put?" I yells. Buster comes out and we get to talkin’ about a good location. He was all for puttin’ her right alongside a jagged path runnin' by a big pine tree.
"I wouldn't do it Buster," I sez; and I'll tell you why--in the first place her bein’ near a tree is bad. There ain't no sound in nature so disconcertin’ as the sound of pine cones droppin’ on the roof. Then, another thing, there's a crooked path runnin’ by that tree and the soil there ain't adapted to absorbin’ moisture. Durin' the rainy season she's likely to be slippery. Take Tony--goin’ out some rainy night with his hightie flappin’ around his legs, and like as not, when you come out in the mornin’ you'll find him prone in the mud, or maybe skidded off one of them curves. "No Sir," I sez, "Put her in a straight line with the camp and past a woodpile," and I'll tell you why.
"Take when the women come to camp--out she'll go. On the way back she'll gather five sticks of wood, and the average woman will make four or five trips a day. There's twenty sticks in the woodbox without any trouble. On the other hand, take a timid woman, if she sees any men folks around she's too bashful to go direct out, so she'll go to the woodpile, pick up the wood and go back to the camp. The average timid woman might make ten trips before she goes in, regardless--just think of the wood she'd have piled up by our stove."
New, about the diggin’ of her. You can’t be too careful about that, I sez; "Dig her deep and dig her wide. It's a might sight better to have a little privy over a big hole than a big privy over a little hole. Another thing; when you dig her deep, you've got her dug, and you ain't got that disconcertin’ thought stealin’ over you that sooner or later you'll have to dig again.
"Now the construction--do you want joists or beams?" I sez joists make a good job. Beams cost a bit more, but they're worth it. 'Course, I could give you joists, but take Tony, he ain't gettin’ a mite lighter. Some day he might he out there and them joists 'ould give 'way and there he'd be--catched."
"Now, about her roof--we can have a lean-to type or a pitch, roof. I'd like a lean-to and I'll tell you why--
"A lean-to has two less corners fer the wasps to build their nests in and on a hot August afternoon there ain't nothin’ so disconcertin’ as a lot of wasps buzzin’ around while you're settin’, doin’ a little readin’, figgerin or thinkin'. Another thing, a lean-to...
[is there a page missing here?]
...you a high door. Buster will crack his head everytime tryin' to get under a pitch roof door.
"As to the latch fer her I can give you a spool and string or a hook and eye. The cost of a spool and string is practically nothin' but it ain't positive in action. Somebody comes out and starts rattlin’ the door--either the spool or the string is apt to give way--and there you are--But, with a hook and eye of the best quality she's yours. Put on the hook and eye of the best quality 'cause there ain't nothin' that'll rack a man's nerves more to be settin' there ponderin' without a good substantial latch on the door.
Now, about windows, some want them, some don't. I'd say "No windows"; and I'll tell you why. Take, fer instance, somebody comin' out--maybe they're just in a hurry or maybe they waited too long. If the door don't open right away and you won't answer 'em, nine times out of ten, they'll go 'round and look in the window, and you don't git the privacy you ought to.
Now, how do you want that door to swing?--Openin’ in or out? I sez it should open in. This is the way it works out. Place yourself in there. The door openin' in--say about forty-five degree. This gives you air and lets the sun beat in. Now, if you hear anybody comin’ you can give it a quick shove with your foot and there you are. But, if she swings out, where are you? You can't run the risk of having her open for air or sun because if anyone comes, you can't get up off that seat, reach way 'round and grab ter without gittin' caught, now can you? So build the door to swing in and face the East to get the ill benefit of the sun.
Now about paintin' her. You need contrast--just like they use on them railroad crossin' bars, so you can see it in the dark. I'd paint her a bright yellow with white trimmin'.
There's a lot of fine points to puttin' up a first class privy, that the average man don't think about. It's no job for an amachoor, There has been some real tragedies around here because of amachoors building privies.
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